Can Couples Therapy Help with Separation, Divorce, or Co-Parenting? - All your questions about Couples Counselling, Marriage Counselling, or Relationship Therapy ANSWERED [Part 3]

Yes, couples therapy can be a valuable resource when navigating separation, divorce, breakups, or co-parenting,

though the focus of therapy may shift depending on the circumstances. Dr Natasha Tung explores the different scenarios and therapy goals in her most recent post.

Separation and Divorce: Navigating Emotional Complexity and Shaping Your Story

Separation or divorce is often seen as the final step in a relationship. However, it’s essential to recognise that the emotional work doesn’t end there. These transitions can bring up a range of difficult feelings, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. You might be wondering how you’ll be able to communicate with your ex-partner or how you’ll navigate shared responsibilities, particularly if there are children involved.

While many couples mistakenly view therapy as only helpful when they want to "save" the relationship, it can be just as valuable in helping couples transition out of a relationship. The Gottman Institute emphasises that even in the most challenging times, maintaining respect and clear communication is essential to reducing conflict and easing the emotional strain.

Therapy during this period can support you in managing these emotions, improving communication, and processing your feelings, even if the relationship is coming to an end. A therapist can help you both understand and process your feelings, set healthy boundaries, and communicate effectively during a time that may be filled with conflict and emotional strain. In some cases, couples therapy may help you part on amicable terms, making the process less adversarial and ensuring that both parties feel heard and respected.

Couples therapy can also be helpful if you’re unsure whether separation or divorce is the right step. A therapist can help you explore your concerns, assess whether there’s still room for growth or repair in the relationship, and support you both in making informed decisions.

As your therapist, I can help both of you navigate the emotional complexities of separation or divorce, without judgment. I can guide you through techniques that foster healthy emotional processing, identify unhelpful patterns that may arise during conflict, and ensure you both feel heard and respected. This helps couples part on the best possible terms, minimising harm to both parties and any children involved.

Breakups: Gaining Closure and Insight

While couples therapy is typically aimed at improving a relationship, it can also be beneficial during or after a breakup.

Breakups can be painful, and often, couples are left with questions or unresolved feelings. Even after a breakup, it’s important to reflect on the dynamics that led to the end of the relationship. In fact, Esther Perel, renowned psychotherapist and author, often speaks about the importance of understanding the emotional nuances of a breakup. She explains that breakups, when approached with curiosity and compassion, can be opportunities for growth.

Rather than simply moving on, therapy can help you understand the relationship better, process any lingering feelings of loss, and help you build resilience for future relationships. Therapy can provide a safe space for you both to express your feelings, address any lingering emotional wounds, and gain closure. Therapy may also help you both understand the dynamics that led to the breakup and provide insights into how you can approach future relationships in a healthier way.

Sometimes, the decision to break up doesn’t come with a sense of closure. Therapy can support you in finding that closure—helping you and your ex-partner understand each other’s perspectives, heal emotional wounds, and let go of unresolved issues. With the right tools, it’s possible to walk away with new insights about yourself, your relationship patterns, and what you might want or need in future relationships.

When a relationship ends, it's natural to experience a wide range of emotions—relief, sadness, anger, and sometimes, confusion. One of the most common emotions that people face in the aftermath is regret. It’s not uncommon for individuals to look back on the relationship and wonder if they made the right decision. We might question whether we were too hasty, or on the other hand, feel that we should have ended things much sooner. These reflections often lead to an inner tug-of-war between two opposing views: one that sees everything as a mistake, filled with negativity and lost potential, and another that idealises the relationship, focusing only on the good and feeling like we’ve lost something irreplaceable.

This dichotomy can leave us feeling stuck, often filled with confusion or a sense of futility, as we become trapped in the past, replaying the events, wondering how things could have turned out differently. The emotional aftermath can be overwhelming, especially when we don't know how to make sense of it all.

As a therapist, I can guide you through this process of emotional healing, providing a space where you can reflect on your relationship and move forward with clarity and understanding. I will support you in shaping your narrative of your relationship and develop a nuanced, balanced, helpful perspective that helps you move forward with hope and direction.

Co-Parenting: Building a Respectful Partnership

Co-parenting after a breakup or divorce can be one of the most challenging aspects of separating from a partner. Even if you and your ex are no longer romantically involved, you still need to work together for the sake of your children’s well-being. This can involve navigating strong emotions, disagreements over parenting styles, and, at times, feeling like you’re back to square one in terms of communication and trust.

In their research, The Gottman Institute highlights the importance of “co-parenting harmony” after a breakup. They emphasise that, for the sake of the children, parents must prioritise clear, non-conflictual communication and shared responsibility. However, this is easier said than done. Co-parenting often requires one to process residual emotional baggage from the past relationship, separate that from the present parenting role, and create new ways of communicating with your ex-partner in a constructive way.

In therapy, I can help guide both you and your ex through these challenges. This might include setting healthy boundaries, developing effective communication skills, and prioritising your child’s needs. In some cases, it’s also about holding you both accountable for managing the environment that you’re creating for your child, and whether there are any aggression between you and your ex that is being unintentionally modelled to your child. Through this process, I can help you and your ex-partner build a cooperative, respectful relationship that supports both of you and your children’s long-term wellbeing.

In Sum

In sum, couples therapy is widely known for helping partners improve their relationship, communication, and emotional connection. However, it can also provide valuable support during difficult transitions like separation, divorce, breakups, and co-parenting. Navigating these changes can be emotionally complex, and therapy can help you and your partner navigate these challenges with greater understanding, resilience, and respect. In all of these scenarios, the goal of therapy is not necessarily to repair the romantic relationship, but to provide the tools, support, and communication strategies necessary for healthier interactions moving forward, whether that’s co-parenting or finalising your separation.

Ultimately, therapy can provide clarity, reduce conflict, and help you both transition through these difficult changes with more understanding and emotional resilience.

If you're struggling with regret, confusion, or uncertainty about the past, I invite you to reach out and explore how therapy can support you in reshaping your narrative and moving toward a brighter future.

Next Steps: Couples Therapy at Kaki Psychology

Discover more about what to expect and the treatment approaches of Couples Therapy at Kaki Psychology.

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If you’re ready to strengthen your relationship and build a deeper, more meaningful connection with your partner, couples therapy at Kaki Psychology can help. Whether you’re looking to improve communication, resolve conflicts, or heal from past wounds, I’m here to guide you through the process with empathy, understanding, and proven strategies. Don’t wait for challenges to become overwhelming—take the first step towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship today.

Contact Kaki Psychology, Prahran-based Clinical Psychology and Couples Therapy Clinic to book your session and start your journey towards a stronger, more connected partnership.

📍 Kaki Psychology, Prahran, Melbourne
✉️ Book a session today by completing the Contact Form
📞 Book a free 15-minute Discovery Call to discuss your Therapy Needs

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For more insights on building emotional skills, improving relationships, and managing life’s challenges, check out my video reels on Instagram (@kakipsychology). These bite-sized psychoeducation clips offer practical strategies to help you cultivate emotional awareness, improve communication, and navigate relationships with confidence. Follow along for more expert guidance!