Finding and Using your voice

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any”

- Alice Walker

Assertive communication is increasingly recognised as an important goal in therapy and personal growth, particularly from emerging adulthood onward. As we navigate complex relationships—whether in friendships, family ties, dating, work, or group projects—developing this skill becomes crucial.

However, simply learning the language of assertive communication isn’t enough; it must go hand in hand with strengthening your perception of personal power. Believing in your value and autonomy empowers you to take action, which in turn boosts your confidence, self-acceptance, and self-respect.

When we lack self-belief and allow our fear of rejection to guide our feelings and decisions, we tend to downplay our own worth. In these moments, practising assertive communication can feel nearly impossible. Even after achieving years of training, success, and job titles, we may still doubt our expertise and wonder if our contributions truly matter. This leads us to undervalue what we bring to the table and to place greater importance on the opinions of others.

We keep waiting to "arrive" at a place where we will feel confident and competent and never insecure again. We think - “ah, when I graduate, when I get my degree, when I get that title, when I get promoted, when I'm older...”

We keep postponing when we'll be ready (or deserving) to be confident. It’s important to realise — that point won't magically come based on your external circumstances.

Your title doesn't guarantee your courage. 

Your sphere of control, your ability to influence, and your self-worth are all not going to suddenly materialise after accumulating accolades. Instead, these are qualities you must actively build through your actions.

Face your fear of being rejected, of feeling cringe and awkward, of trying something that may fall flat…do them anyway, and witness change.

Additionally, how others respond to you and your relationships is not set in stone. While it’s important to accept what is outside our control, we may also be inclined to give up too soon or assume that we only have the options currently available to us.

Put an alternative out there, express your own constraints or preferences, suggest another option…and witness change. Interactions are dynamic, we respond to each other.

Finding your voice requires using your voice.

Expressing your opinion doesn’t mean you are insisting that it is absolutely correct, smart, or right. Instead, it is about giving yourself a better chance at:

1. Developing self-respect and self-awareness

2. Allowing others to understand and know you

3. Achieving what you prefer

4. Receiving input that enables learning, growth, or refinement

I know it’s hard, but remember this:

You can shape others and the situation around you. It’s not fully in your control, but you can try. And trying increases your chances.

The outcome may not be immediate, or as you’d like it to be.

Yet, exercising your influence is less about achieving an outcome, and more about you owning and using your voice,

and taking action despite your fears and self-doubt.

Homework:
When you find yourself censoring or holding back this week—whether at work, during catch-ups with friends, in a group chat, or on any platforms for self-expression— ask yourself the following questions:

• If I step into and embody the belief that I have something valuable to offer and that my opinion matters, what would I say in this instance?

• If I accept that some self-doubt or discomfort may arise, but I choose to express myself anyway, what would I say?

• In a work context, if I believed I was an expert* in my role, what would I say?

*If it helps, feel free to adjust this to "I have something to offer." However, imagining yourself as an expert in this thought exercise may help you form a clearer opinion. Being an expert doesn't mean you know everything; it means you have acquired knowledge and skills in a specific area through focused time and effort. It's normal to experience imposter syndrome when you hear the word "expert," but remember that the time you've dedicated to your work likely makes you more of an expert than you give yourself credit for.

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Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for self-respect, emotional well-being, and fulfilling relationships. If you struggle with people-pleasing, guilt, or feeling drained in your relationships, therapy can help you build the confidence to set clear, respectful boundaries. At Kaki Psychology, I support clients in developing assertiveness, recognising their needs, and creating relationships that feel balanced and supportive.

📍 Kaki Psychology, Prahran, Melbourne
✉️ Book a session today by completing the Contact Form
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For more insights on building emotional skills, improving relationships, and managing life’s challenges, check out my video reels on Instagram (@kakipsychology). These bite-sized psychoeducation clips offer practical strategies to help you cultivate emotional awareness, improve communication, and navigate relationships with confidence. Follow along for more expert guidance!