What to Look For in a Therapist? Beyond the Credentials: What Really Matters

You've likely seen countless articles outlining the must-haves in a therapist: their credentials, experience, treatment modalities, and availability. We also often focus on the qualities of empathy, compassion, and active listening in a therapist.

While these are undoubtedly essential, there's a less-discussed yet vital aspect that can significantly impact the therapeutic process: the therapist's own personal growth, deliberate practice, and self-awareness.

Is your therapist embodying the self-awareness required to confront their own truths, allowing them the courage to help you confront yours? Is your therapist walking the talk of therapy in their own lives?

The reason this topic is often overlooked is partly due to its intangible nature and the difficulty in measuring it. Partly, we might also want to preserve some distance from viewing our therapists as flawed individuals, just like us. Instead, we often see them as experts and professionals who have gained essential insights and utilise all the life tools available to them.

Nevertheless, a therapist’s personal development is not a given.

You may want to observe the following key signs:

1. Embraces a Growth Mindset: A good therapist holds themselves accountable to be effective, which requires self-awareness, humility, using feedback as opportunities, and ongoing curiosity for learning.

• Self-Awareness: A good therapist acknowledges their own limitations and biases. They recognise their hesitations to address uncomfortable issues that may subtly affect the therapeutic relationship. They admit their gaps, set aside pride, and engage in honest communication. They address possible ruptures and repair them.

• Resilience and Ongoing Learning: They possess the ability to bounce back from setbacks, maintaining self-esteem without being crushed by failure or criticism. Instead, they focus on learning and continuously seek knowledge and skills to enhance their practice. You can feel their curiosity about your situation, no matter how much time has passed since you started therapy. This is also why sharing de-identified presentations of a client’s challenges with colleagues or supervisors can be beneficial. Despite how skilled or experienced we may be, we can all gain from alternative perspectives, reminders, and suggestions.

• Openness to Feedback and Humility: Effective therapists willingly receive constructive criticism, viewing it as an opportunity for learning and improvement. They understand that feedback may not always come from clients, so they actively seek it and encourage it, focusing on addressing the underlying issues rather than personalising the problems.

A therapist’s capacity to depersonalise from the problems in therapy is vital for being able to address the issue effectively. For example, if a therapist is worried about feeling like a failure, they may not address the gaps in your treatment. If they are worried about seeming incompetent or unempathetic, they may not address their difficulties in understanding your problems (which can be useful data in understanding your challenges in other relationships).  

I try to commit myself to this mindset. For example, I have, on several occasions openly addressed and, where needed, apologised to clients after a session when I felt that something I said may not have resonated well with them, did not align with their needs, or was just overall a hard conversation. These conversations allow me to better understand how they experience our sessions and what their needs are, and also often guide us to discuss related challenges in other aspects of the clients’s life.

As therapists, we do not always get it right. Being able to address this is important not only for building rapport and trust, but also as vital information for your treatment.

2. Practices Self-Care: A good therapist actively works on self-acceptance, authenticity, and self-love, which involves paying attention to and meeting their own needs.

• Not Burnt out or Rushed. An effective therapist manages their time and energy to avoid long-term overwhelm. This isn’t meant as a judgement; we all have constraints that can affect everyone, including therapists. Yet, if your therapist seems consistently exhausted and rushed over the long term, it might be a sign that there’s an imbalance in their life or some difficulties in finding effective solutions. No matter how difficult one’s situation is, there is something we can do to influence our situation and prioritise our well-being. This is what we advocate in therapy and an effective therapist will not only understand this but also implement it.

• Ease in Their Presence. You can feel that they are at ease with you in the room. Even though they are working hard, their presence is non-performative. They feel comfortable being themselves with you, fostering a human connection despite the formal setting and their role as your treatment provider. Learning to be comfortable with ourselves is a self-acceptance process that takes active effort.

• Authenticity and Clarity in Their Role. In therapy, we discuss the importance of being authentic and not letting others' opinions dictate our decisions so that we can achieve goals and values that matter to us. Effective therapists actively work on accepting themselves (i.e., their strengths and their limitations) and understanding their role and impact.

For example, a therapist who clearly understands their role, identity, and treatment philosophy will possess more confidence and capacity to guide treatment and challenge clients when necessary to hold them accountable to their goals.

I try to commit to self-acceptance and authenticity by accepting that I may not be a good match for every client. While I would like to help, and while mismatches can feel like rejection or failure; ultimately I am devoted to the goal of being my best self and enjoying my work. I trust that my therapeutic style and philosophy will resonate with some individuals and that the best work will happen within this strong compatibility.

Further, while I deeply care about my clients' experiences in therapy; I resist the urge to prioritise being liked over doing my job effectively. Otherwise, I might be doing them a disservice.

Sometimes, my role is validating clients’ strengths and acknowledging their pain, cheering them on, and normalising their perspectives. At other times, it involves confronting them about their blindspots or role in their challenges, or activating strong feelings like shame. Maintaining this balance requires me to tolerate the discomfort of not being liked by them at times.

What gives me the courage to tolerate this is my self-acceptance and clarity that I am committing to my values and that my clinical judgement is grounded in evidence-based formulation.

3. Initiates Courageous Conversations

This brings me to my final point. In therapy, we often discuss the importance of facing fears, confronting anxieties, acknowledging issues, and finding helpful solutions. Persistence in these areas is key to facilitating change.

An effective therapist embodies this principle by confronting their discomforts, fears and anxieties with courage.

• Honest Communication: They honestly share their clinical formulations and observations, even when it's difficult. They use themselves as a mirror for clients without getting attached to what’s happening.

• Challenges the Status Quo: They encourage clients to step outside of their comfort zones and confront their patterns, to facilitate clients to create a future that isn’t merely a repetition of their past.

• Holds Clients Accountable: They help clients to take responsibility for their actions and choice, thus increasing client’s sense of agency and awareness.

The courage required of a therapist is often overlooked. Despite having deep compassion and empathy for their clients' suffering, a therapist must also 1) with a clear clinical formulation, emotional attunement, and non-judgmental curiousity 2) have the courage to temporarily refrain from comforting clients in that moment to allow the root issue to be addressed.

This is tough to do! Therapists are humans with empathy for the painful life stories their clients are sharing. Yet, we must also hold the space and push through to help clients reflect on how their actions may contribute to their suffering.

Personally, I commit myself to doing this because I prioritise helping my clients break patterns that are causing them long-term pain over preserving their immediate comfort. I believe in their ability to withstand the temporary discomfort of confrontation so they can reach the root of their issues.  

I do not take lightly the commitment they are making to come to therapy, continually investing their money, time, and effort. I sincerely want to help them with the changes they desire.

p/s - Needless to say (yet I’m still saying it), this is not something to be done without consideration, nor is it a blanket excuse for therapists who lack compassion and emotional attunement, thus causing harm.

p/s - In therapy, we often emphasise that growth is an ongoing journey. We cannot guarantee perfection, nor should we aim for it. The values mentioned above are those to which effective therapists are committed; however, this does not mean they consistently embody all of them at all times or have “attained” them all. Similarly for myself, all I can do is continually commit to my values of self-awareness, personal growth, courage, and authenticity.

In sum,  

As therapists, we are not immune to the challenges of our humanity.

We too, in the absence of working on courage, can be afraid of approaching the awkward, messy, scary.

We too, in the absence of creating awareness, may be oblivious to our own needs and forces of our emotions and past that affect our therapeutic work with clients.

We too, in the absence of strengthening our relationship with ourselves, can feel battered by the challenges of our work and cope ineffectively.

All of these can impact the quality of a client’s treatment.

Helpful therapists embrace vulnerability, acknowledge their mistakes, and grow alongside their clients. They embody the principles they teach, allowing them to empower clients to do the same, while effectively addressing the unspoken and often uncomfortable aspects of therapy.

On a personal note, so much of the work I put into being an effective psychologist has also involved significant personal growth. I absolutely love this work and I know I have been edified by it.

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson, American philosopher and essayist

And if you’re feeling worried reading about how your therapist needs to do their personal work of growth, remember, it is our shared humanity that positions a therapist to be able to understand and help you.

“Only the wounded healer can truly heal.”

- Irvin Yalom, American renowned existential psychiatrist

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If you're ready to work with a therapist who truly embraces personal growth, self-awareness, and authenticity, I hope to be someone who can support you. At Kaki Psychology in Prahran, Melbourne, I offer trauma-informed, agency-driven, relationship-focussed, culturally-contextualised, non-pathologising therapy that focuses on your unique needs, empowering you to face challenges with courage and confidence.

Whether you're navigating personal struggles, seeking couples counselling, or looking to break old patterns, I provide a safe, supportive environment where you can explore, grow, and transform.

📍 Kaki Psychology, Prahran, Melbourne
✉️ Book a session today by completing the Contact Form
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For more insights on building emotional skills, improving relationships, and managing life’s challenges, check out my video reels on Instagram (@kakipsychology). These bite-sized psychoeducation clips offer practical strategies to help you cultivate emotional awareness, improve communication, and navigate relationships with confidence. Follow along for more expert guidance!