To all who of you who are hard on yourselves

For those of you who feel like you're hard on yourself, and may even be so hard on yourself that you don't even think you can say you're hard on yourself because you're not "really that hard on yourself"… take a moment to ask:

What have you done well? 

Often, we can get stuck in the loop of "I haven't done enough, I haven't done this well".

• You could have ticked off 2 things on your to-do list and feel discouraged by the 3 you didn't get to

• You could be doggedly trying to complete a task, while chiding yourself for "not having good work-life boundaries", "for wasting time” when you could be doing something else — totally forgetting to give yourself credit for working hard and caring about the quality of your work. 

• You could have done a good job and received positive feedback — but feel incompetent because you didn't get it done perfectly/you received negative feedback from another source/you received feedback for an area where there is room for growth (which FYI doesn’t negate your existing good work)

• You could have exercised courage and spoke up about something — got shot down or received a lacklustre response and feel a crushing regret for choosing to speak your mind. You chide yourself for being naïve and foolish, or self-indulgent.

• You could even have spent precious time and energy supporting a friend, only to feel silly after — wondering if you said the wrong thing, were too “presumptuous”, or burdened your friend in any way after.

The examples can go on - You could have made any decision and, in hindsight, feel like it was a wrong one and question why you weren't smarter or more prepared. 

This constant questioning of yourself is exhausting!

We're missing out on giving ourselves credit.

Yes, there is room for growth. Yes, this did not turn out perfectly. BUT,

• Despite the outcome, what could you acknowledge about your effort or your decision?

• What did you do well?

• How are you already doing well as a person?

• What values did you live out when you made that decision? Can you give yourself more credit for the courage you took, for the learning experience you obtained, for the good intentions you had?

If we constantly depend on outcomes or people's responses to feel good about ourselves, this feeling will likely be unstable and fleeting; hard-earned yet quickly lost.

You need to set your own internal standards and find ways to encourage yourself. Learning and improving are important, but so is liking and loving yourself.

My hope for you is that you can learn to

• give yourself credit

• acknowledge your efforts and intentions

• see yourself more accurately

• believe that you are a good person whose “failings” do not define you or supersede all the other great qualities about you

• enjoy this journey

If you're finding yourself stuck in patterns of perfectionism or being overly hard on yourself, know that you're not alone. Therapy can provide you with the tools to break free from these cycles and develop a healthier, more compassionate relationship with yourself.

If you're looking for a Melbourne-based psychologist who offers tailored, evidence-based therapy, book a session today. Kaki Psychology is conveniently located in Prahran, and appointments are available both in-person and online.At Kaki Psychology, I offer a supportive, non-judgmental space to help you explore the root of these behaviors and create more balance and self-acceptance in your life. Whether you're looking to address perfectionism, build confidence, or learn how to set healthier boundaries, I'm here to help.

Take the first step towards self-compassion today—contact Kaki Psychology to schedule your session. Let's work together to move towards a more fulfilling, balanced life.

📍 Kaki Psychology, Prahran, Melbourne
✉️ Book a session today by completing the Contact Form
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For more insights on building emotional skills, improving relationships, and managing life’s challenges, check out my video reels on Instagram (@kakipsychology). These bite-sized psychoeducation clips offer practical strategies to help you cultivate emotional awareness, improve communication, and navigate relationships with confidence. Follow along for more expert guidance!