What if My Partner is NOT READY for Couples Therapy? - All your questions about Couples Counselling, Marriage Counselling, or Relationship Therapy ANSWERED [Part 5]

It’s natural to want to fix things when you’re facing challenges in your relationship. If you’re already considering couples therapy, it’s a sign that you care deeply about improving your connection with your partner. But what happens if your partner isn’t on board with therapy yet? You’re not alone—this is a common concern, and the good news is that there are still things you can do to improve your relationship, even if your partner isn’t ready to take that step just yet.

Understand Their Hesitation

First and foremost, it’s important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding. Your partner may be hesitant about couples therapy for a variety of reasons. Perhaps they’re unsure about what therapy will entail, they may feel uncomfortable with the idea of opening up to a stranger, or they might not yet see therapy as the solution to your relationship challenges. They may also have unhelpful myths about couples therapy, including their expectation that the therapist will take sides and “gang up” with you in blaming them as the wrongful party.

In some cases, your partner may feel vulnerable or even fear that therapy could bring up painful emotions or unresolved issues. These feelings are normal and shouldn’t be dismissed. It’s important to have open, non-confrontational conversations about their concerns and fears, allowing them to express their thoughts without pressure or judgment.

Have a Compassionate Conversation

If your partner isn’t yet ready for therapy, the key is to have a calm, honest conversation about why you think therapy could be helpful. Avoid sounding like you’re “forcing” them into something they’re not comfortable with. Instead, frame the conversation around your desire to grow together as a couple and your commitment to making things better.

You might say something like:

“I’ve been thinking about how we’ve been communicating lately, and I really care about our relationship. I feel like couples therapy could give us some tools to improve how we connect with each other. I understand that it can feel intimidating, but I think it could really help us. How do you feel about exploring this together?”

This approach allows your partner to express their feelings while also reinforcing your intention to work together for the benefit of your relationship. Be sure to listen actively, acknowledging their perspective without dismissing it.

Encourage them to share their doubts, and resist the urge to react defensively or engage in debate. Instead, thank them for their honesty and, if applicable, let them know you understand by sharing that you, too, have experienced similar doubts. Offer insight into how you navigate your own ambivalence and the resources you rely on to manage those hesitations.

Provide your partner with helpful resources—such as our blog posts—without overwhelming them. Focus on inviting rather than pushing, and ask for opportunities to revisit these concerns in future discussions. Try to maintain a structured approach by setting specific times for these conversations, rather than bringing them up spontaneously or in every interaction.

To make therapy feel less intimidating, consider breaking it down into smaller steps. For example, you could suggest a free 15-minute discovery call with us before committing to full sessions. This allows your partner to ask questions and gain clarity at their own pace.

Go to Therapy on Your Own

While it’s ideal to attend therapy as a couple, it’s still possible to make progress if your partner isn’t ready to take that step yet. Individual therapy can be incredibly beneficial for you, both in understanding yourself and your relationship better. As you gain new insights and coping strategies, you may also find that your own personal growth will inspire positive changes in your relationship.

Working on your emotional regulation and communication skills and healing from past hurts can create a ripple effect in your relationship, encouraging your partner to join you when they feel ready.

In fact, sometimes a partner who initially resists therapy will become more open to it after seeing the positive changes in the other person. Personal growth often leads to healthier dynamics, making it easier for both individuals to come together.

Encourage Small, Positive Changes

Even if your partner is not ready for therapy, you can still introduce small shifts in the relationship that encourage healthier patterns of communication. Again, this is where Individual Therapy can be helpful. Modelling the behaviors you wish to see in your relationship—such as active listening, setting boundaries, and responding with empathy—can gradually create a positive impact.

You can also introduce gentle conversations that focus on mutual growth. For example, you might say:

“I’ve been reading about communication techniques, and I tried using this one today—it felt really effective. Would you like to try it together next time?”

By offering opportunities for growth without pressuring your partner, you create a space where they feel supported rather than judged. This approach can encourage them to explore therapy when they’re ready, knowing that you’re committed to working together, no matter the pace.

Don’t Give Up on Your Relationship YET

If your partner isn’t ready for couples therapy, it doesn’t mean that your relationship is beyond repair. Many couples face moments of hesitation or uncertainty about therapy, and that’s okay. The important thing is that you’re committed to improving things and are taking proactive steps to create a healthier relationship.

You can continue to work on your own emotional well-being, practice healthy communication, and even seek the support of a therapist individually. Therapy is a journey, and sometimes, it’s about meeting your partner where they are and giving them the space to come around at their own pace.

Ultimately, therapy is a tool for growth—and while it’s a powerful tool for couples, the journey to healing and growth can start with one person. When your partner sees the positive impact it has on you and your relationship, they may become more open to exploring therapy as well.

Of Course, Couples Therapy offers A Unique Advantage: real-time observation and intervention.

Unlike individual therapy, which relies on personal accounts of past events, couples therapy allows a therapist to witness communication patterns as they unfold. This provides dynamic, in-the-moment data, making it possible to interrupt negative cycles and guide partners toward healthier interactions.

While individual therapy can help, some relationship struggles require direct couples interventions. Working toward couples therapy ensures that relational challenges are addressed in the context where they occur—helping partners break patterns, improve communication, and strengthen their connection.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re ready to strengthen your relationship and build a deeper, more meaningful connection with your partner, couples therapy at Kaki Psychology can help. Whether you’re looking to improve communication, resolve conflicts, or heal from past wounds, I’m here to guide you through the process with empathy, understanding, and proven strategies. Don’t wait for challenges to become overwhelming—take the first step towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship today.

Even if your partner isn’t ready to join therapy yet, individual sessions can help you gain valuable insights and develop the skills to nurture your relationship.

Contact Kaki Psychology to book your session and start your journey towards a stronger, more connected partnership.

📍 Kaki Psychology, Prahran, Melbourne
✉️ Book a session today by completing the Contact Form
📞 Book a free 15-minute Discovery Call to discuss your Therapy Needs

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For more insights on building emotional skills, improving relationships, and managing life’s challenges, check out my video reels on Instagram (@kakipsychology). These bite-sized psychoeducation clips offer practical strategies to help you cultivate emotional awareness, improve communication, and navigate relationships with confidence. Follow along for more expert guidance!