My Approach
Therapy is a collaboration that thrives on direction and trust.
Collaboration. I'm here to adapt to your unique needs, offering as much or as little structure as you require. Sometimes, you might need some skill-building and practical solutions, along with encouragement to take action. Other times, it’s okay to slow down, stay curious and present without rushing to judge or solve things.
Direction. Our work is driven by what matters most to you and led by my formulation and treatment plan. We will tailor our approach to your specific needs, paying close attention to your cues of distress, feelings, values, and physical sensations, as these often serve as important guides for our work together.
Trust. Our process is transparent, and I hope you’ll find me to be sincere and nurturing, which will help create a safe environment for you. Nevertheless, it's my commitment to assist you in reaching your goals that truly fosters your trust in our work together. I encourage questions and regularly assess both our therapeutic relationship and your progress. I truly care about your well-being.
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We have agency to hold ourselves accountable for the changes we seek. A clear understanding of who we are and awareness of our patterns can catalyse profound changes in our lives and how we perceive our daily experiences. An improved relationship with ourselves facilitates a better relationship with others and with our challenges. While many aspects of life may feel beyond our control, our attitudes and the meanings we assign are always ours to own.
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Our worldview is shaped by our culture, context, and connections. We are not isolated entities; we derive meaning from the world around us.
The appraisal of our qualities often depends on those around us. When our values clash with our surroundings, it can lead to distress. I want to help you adapt, but not at the cost of losing yourself.
To accurately understand our challenges, we must consider not only psychological insights but also perspectives from evolutionary science, gender and race politics, world history, and our personal history. We need to reflect on the people and cultural influences we’ve encountered and how our current context impacts us. In answering the question of “what is wrong with me?”, we need to also ask, “what has happened to us, what has come before us, and what is happening around us?”.
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Our early relationships with our attachment figures shape the rules we develop for how we conduct ourselves and what we expect from others. Relationships are sources of love, belonging, strength, self-image, and valuable lessons. They also stir up our deepest fears and pain, creating unconscious forces within us that influence aspects of our personality, how much we experience certain feelings such as guilt, our self-esteem, sensitivities, and our roles in relationships. Even with someone who is similar to us, an entire cultural divide can emerge based on how our attachment blueprint influenced our communication, emotional expression, and emotional interpretation.
Relationships involve bids for connection, circle-backs, tension, vulnerability, and messiness, all of which greatly test our character. Our capacity to form and maintain emotional bonds has a far-reaching impact on our psyche and underpins many psychological difficulties.
Therapeutic Framework
My framework prioritises the role of agency, culture, and relationships.
Agency
We have agency to hold ourselves accountable for the changes we seek. A clear understanding of who we are and awareness of our patterns can catalyse profound changes in our lives and how we perceive our daily experiences. An improved relationship with ourselves facilitates a better relationship with others and with our challenges. While many aspects of life may feel beyond our control, our attitudes and the meanings we assign are always ours to own.
Culture
Our worldview is shaped by our culture, context, and connections. We are not isolated entities; we derive meaning from the world around us.
The appraisal of our qualities often depends on those around us. When our values clash with our surroundings, it can lead to distress. I want to help you adapt, but not at the cost of losing yourself.
To accurately understand our challenges, we must consider not only psychological insights but also perspectives from evolutionary science, gender and race politics, world history, and our personal history. We need to reflect on the people and cultural influences we’ve encountered and how our current context impacts us. In answering the question of “what is wrong with me?”, we need to also ask, “what has happened to us, what has come before us, and what is happening around us?”.
Relationships
Our early relationships with our attachment figures shape the rules we develop for how we conduct ourselves and what we expect from others. Relationships are sources of love, belonging, strength, self-image, and valuable lessons. They also stir up our deepest fears and pain, creating unconscious forces within us that influence aspects of our personality, how much we experience certain feelings such as guilt, our self-esteem, sensitivities, and our roles in relationships. Even with someone who is similar to us, an entire cultural divide can emerge based on how our attachment blueprint influenced our communication, emotional expression, and emotional interpretation.
Relationships involve bids for connection, circle-backs, tension, vulnerability, and messiness, all of which greatly test our character. Our capacity to form and maintain emotional bonds has a far-reaching impact on our psyche and underpins many psychological difficulties.
Treatment Modalities
I use the following evidence-based treatment modalities:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Emotion Focussed Therapy (EFT)
Compassion Focussed Therapy (CFT)
I also draw from Psychodynamic Therapy, Attachment Theory, Schema Therapy, The Gottman Method, and Internal Family Systems.
For complex relational wounds, I use a trauma-informed and grief-focussed framework. I also draw strategies from Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT).
How I use these modalities in our work
1) Clarity for Change
Firstly, we need clarity. To resolve a problem, we must first understand it. Without a clear idea of the root issue, we cannot accurately target what is necessary to help you achieve your goals.
Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are interconnected and influenced by our environment. CBT helps map out these links and identify assumptions, core beliefs, and the impact of our patterns. This process can help shift our perspectives and open up new possibilities. CPT is closely linked to this work of examining our thoughts, particularly after stressful or traumatic events, We often get stuck on specific aspects of these experiences, such as beliefs like “It was my fault”, “I’m a bad person”, and “I will never trust again”. These stuck points arise from how we attribute meaning to our experiences and the narratives we construct about them, often in hindsight. The labels we choose and the stories we repeat significantly influence how we feel and approach our past, present, and future. Identifying and processing these stuck points helps us move forward.
2) Self-Knowledge
Secondly, we need self-knowledge. Without observing yourself, you won't understand how your problems arise or how to address them. Many of us are more comfortable observing our thoughts but we avoid our feelings because they can be intimidating or destabilising. Yet, our emotions are an integral part of the human experience and carry important messages. Denying their existence leaves us reacting to situations without a full understanding, and unable to communicate what we need. EFT helps us access, identify, deepen our emotional experiences, and hold the tension of those uncomfortable feelings so that we can listen closely to what they reveal to us.
It’s also important to recognise that our behaviour, mood, and how we relate to others can be influenced by unconscious thoughts, feelings, and body memories. Self-knowledge involves uncovering these unconscious forces and examining the patterns activated by others. Psychodynamic Therapy, Attachment Theory, and Schema Therapy help us explore these through our early childhood experiences and current relationship dynamics, offering valuable insights. These relational therapies also emphasise the importance of the client-therapist relationship and use our interactions to reveal and understand other relationship patterns.
3) Acceptance of Self, Situation, and Humanity
Thirdly, we need to work on self-acceptance. Fundamentally, without self-acceptance, our work may just be different ways of helping you ‘perform’ better at life. You will be prone to exhaustion and frustration, wondering why strategies are not working. ACT helps us to embrace ourselves and our situation, instead of constantly regretting our past, resenting our present, and worrying about our future. Through this acceptance, we can then fully commit ourselves to what our situation requires. Paradoxically, it is only by stopping resistance that we can initiate real change. ACT helps us to take value-driven actions despite setbacks and imperfections.
Self-acceptance also involves compassion and recognising that our suffering is not a personal failure. Our pain deserves nurturance rather than endless criticism or neglect. CFT helps us to be kinder to ourselves when we struggle, fail, or feel inadequate. Learning how to live with ourselves is at the core of living this life well and with others.